To anybody that reads this, have you ever heard of "Suicide Note" by Mitchell Heisman? probably not, but you should definitely look it up. the full story behind it isnt very well published, and seems to have been covered up to some degree. long story short, Mitchell wrote a 1900 page paper entitled suicide note, published it online and then blew his brains out in front of a harvard tour group. im just starting in on it and it is incredibly interesting. if you google the title, some of the links to download it should come up, as he released it freely to the internet before his death. anyways, if anybody actually ends up reading this, you should definitely check it out.
EDIT: link to the pdf - www.suicidenote.info/ebook/suicide_note.pdf